'The week'

I am gradually settling into life and study in Utrecht. This was officially my first week of school so at the beginning i was pretty pumped to get right into schoolwork. But typical me, i caught myself the flu so was feeling pretty average and i managed to stress myself out within about two days. I just always seem to have this problem at the beginning of every school year where i worry about concepts to explore during the year. You see i usually have no ideas...or i have two many ideas and dont know where to start. And then theres the whole fact that the Art school here seems to have no structure and no organisational skills. They are just giving me so much freedom and im not sure how to handle it quite yet. I would consider myself a structuralist...i need structure! agghh! am i just expected to go with the flo?

i also got myself pretty depressed. A combination of crap weather and sickness and loneliness and just generally was pretty stumped on the whole idea of the purpose of life. Just one of those things i guess...when you suddenly feel you dont know what youre living for, dont know if youre doing the right thing, dont feel like you have any dreams or ambitions to work towards. I felt in a pretty poo place actually. Ive been feeling really homesick too which hasnt really helped.

On tuesday night Rosy and I went out to Club Storm for Valentines evening. Club Storm i think is the uni bar, the equivilent of Refuel in Dunedin i guess. It was actually pretty average. There was an overload of girls and hardly any guys. So we just chatted and had a wee boogie on the dance floor but the music was really average. Alot of that techno crap that neither of us are really into. So we left early and went to find somewhere else to hang. We went and had a drink at this bar called 'Stairway to Heaven'. Its the rockers dream, i think Rosy was at home there cos shes real into her rock. Anyway we had a real good chat just about school and life in general and she really challenged me with some good questions and gave me some pretty good advice about stuff i have been struggling with. Shes a pretty cool chick. (photo- self take at Club Storm)

What i love about God is that he can change your life around in a matter of days. I went home that night feeling so inspired. I love how god puts you in contact with the right people and uses them to speak to you. I decided to do a massive brainstorm just about everything. About school, and about life in general. What im thinking about and what i want out of life, things im interested in and things that get me excited, things that id like to achieve and dreams i have for the future. stuff like that. And i offered it all up to my creator. I have found such a freedom in that. and since then i have felt free for the first time in a long time. I feel like a new person now, and im so excited about my time here in Utrecht and what it has in store. I just know God is going to use it to grow me and i expect to come back a changed person. Each day that i offer up to god is just going to get better and better i reckon. Im pretty excited about it. I am definetly aware that there will be frustrations and i have already experienced many this week, but all of a sudden i am just at a peace about it and im learning that each moment is its own. I know that god can guide me through anything.